I Have a Problem with Change...

When I started this blog it had one main purpose and that was to capture moments in my girl's life as she grows for her to look back on and read in story.  Photos captured and memories in type so as not to forget anything.  But, as usual, I am not very good with keeping up with every little thing that happens and before I know it the days, heck even months, have moved on and I haven't written another thing.  I wish I was better at this but most days are over and done and then I am simply too exhausted to sit and type and think about what I have to say.  So, this is why I am not very good at keeping a record of all that happens, and that leads me to reason number two I started the blog.  For family and friends to keep up with our little angel as she grows.  Well, go back to my previous explanation and there you have it.

These days though I have other reasons to add to the list of said blog.  I know that other Mama's read it even though few ever comment, and that being said, it is kind of a way for me to connect and vent about the tough days.  I don't want to dwell on these days but they do happen and we all have them and we all need the prayers and support of others.  It is why we have each other here on this Earth.

My latest struggle has been facing the fact that I will soon stop breastfeeding Sofia.  When I was pregnant all I wanted to do was to be able to make it to one year!  The first few months were very much a struggle, and not for the reasons you probably think, but I don't need to go into detail.  Let's just say that I know a few reasons why most women "give up" and I understand but I was determined and was NOT going to give up!

The negativity that surrounds us as new parents just amazes me.  The things that others feel they have a right to say to you about how you should raise and care for your very own baby just astounds me!  And usually those are family or close friends which is even worse.  Anyway, what those people don't know about me and most would not think, is that the more angered I become and the more I am told why not to do something, I will try that much harder to do it.  I guess it kind of backfired in a way considering Sofia NEVER wanted anything but to nurse.  EVER.  No bottles, notta.  She has been with Mama for almost two years now and therefore my life revolves around feeding and comforting.  It has been glorious and what I know my job is as her Mama and I could not feel better about it.  But, she will be two in June and I am ready for us both to start a new chapter.  I am not ready for the tears (from both of us!).  I am not ready to stop holding her in a newborn position in my arms.  I am not ready for my baby to grow up.  But I know it is time.

she has always rubbed her tiny ears when she nurses

I know that for the few people I know personally who have been on this journey as long as I have there are so many out there who HAVE been on it and who understand my pain.  I devote my entire life to this child of mine now and I would not have it any other way.  She is the gift God gave J.R. and I.  Having a child is something so many people take for granted.  They are only little for such a short period of time in their lives and that is when we should be there for them the most until the day comes to let go and watch what we have done for them over the years do it's magic!  

So, I am not sure where I go from here today but I know things will be changing soon and I am admitting sadness.  I love my little Rosebud and this is our thing we have together.  I know someone out there understands, and I know that the main someone I need to turn to is God.  With Him we can get through anything!