My "Savannah Tree"

 There are so many things I love about Spring.  Knowing that summer and all it has to offer is just around the corner, the trees and flowers blooming and coming to life once again, and throwing on a pair of flip flops to head outside instead of bundling up in a coat and all the winter garb.

One of my very, very favorite things about Spring though is getting to see my "Savannah Tree" bloom!  It is my favorite and most special tree in our yard.  I tell J.R. all the time that if we ever sell our home that it has to be in the contract that this tree in particular does NOT come with the house!  Mama's digging that baby up and it goes where I go!

See, before my job became to take care of the lovely Sofia Rose, I was a nurse.  A Pediatric Oncology Nurse at Vanderbilt Children's Hospital here in Nashville.  It is a wonderful hospital and although I pray we never have to take Sofia there if we do I know that she is in wonderful hands.

The question I got most about my job was, "How in the world do you work with little babies with cancer?!?".  My reply was always the same...I couldn't imagine doing anything else.  Those little angels and their families made my job worth getting up every morning for (not to mention driving in traffic!) and even though it was the toughest and most emotionally draining job at times, more than not it was extremely rewarding.  Babies or infants with cancer sadly do not KNOW they have cancer. They are fighters like you have never seen!  It became difficult for me when they were a little older, say preteen to teenagers.  They KNOW they have cancer, and usually know what all that involves.  Chemo, radiation, hair loss, weight loss, being away from their friends, etc.  But what made me feel like I was doing a job worth doing was when they started to get better or go off therapy.  That is "how" I did my job everyday.  Helping them, being there for them and their families, and even helping some of them when they didn't think they could go any further just by sitting and crying with them.  Laughing with them was the best though!  I laughed more at my job than I bet most people do in a year at their job!!!!  I love those children...especially the ones that have gained their wings in heaven.

I always say that more children survive than pass and that is true.  But as we all know some of them fight and fight their little hearts out until it is just not enough.  Not enough chemo, not enough radiation, nothing else works and their little bodies need to be with God.  One child in particular who is dancing and singing in heaven now is Savannah.  She was my little buddy!  She started treatment for Rhabdomyosarcoma the same year I started working in our clinic.  She passed away the same year I had Sofia and didn't return to work.  Long story short, at one point in my career I decided to transfer to the NICU at VCH and was only gone for about six months before realizing that I missed Oncology so much and came running back!  When I left though, Savannah and her mommy gave me a gift, and part of that gift was my Savannah tree.  It is a patio peach tree and blooms these beautiful blooms!!!!  I love it.  So much.

This is it blooming this spring.  It becomes even more full and then has the most beautiful little green leaves.  When Savannah passed away last year it was beginning to bloom.  I cried every time I passed it.  My heart ached and still does.  I know she is happy and healthy now and could not possibly be in a better place than with her heavenly Father, but the selfish part of us human's is that we want our loved ones here with us.  I still wonder to this day what exactly it was about my Savannah.  I took care of so many children and I LOVED so many of them, but there was just something about that girl.  We clicked like sisters.  

I miss my job.  I really do.  As much as I love staying home with Sofia and I would never take back the decisions we have made, I do miss it.  There is plenty of time for work in life though and right now the most important job for me is to raise a caring, God loving, wonderful little girl.  I hope she makes as many people smile as Savannah did!  If she does I will know I have done good as a Mama.  I wanted more than anything for Savannah to meet Sofia Rose.  At least Sofia heard her talk to her through my belly and knows what her voice is like.  Savannah loved me and my unborn baby and that made me happy :)

I took this photos of Sofia today in front of the tree now.  I can not wait to tell her all about the sweet Savannah and how much fun she was!  Boy oh boy, will I have some stories!

 I love you Savannah and I miss you so much!  And to Savannah's Mommy I send all the hugs and kisses in the world!!!!  You are wonderful and I love you too. I can only pray that Sofia loves me the way Savannah loved you.  So as much as I miss both of you girls, know that I think of you everyday when I pass a small tree in my yard.   xoxo